You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
