This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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