I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
