Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
