So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
