Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
