She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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