Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize