from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
