That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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