I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
