stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
