it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize