just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
