bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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