I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
