I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
