I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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