Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
