my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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