what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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