Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
