come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
