I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
