Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
