My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
