If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Can you bring me the toilet please
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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