Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
