how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She needs sedatives and a leash
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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