I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
