9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
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