i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
They have beer where we have blood.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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