we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
