I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
