so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
