I can tuck mytits in my pants
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
and you fell through a lawn chair
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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