No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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