How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
