what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's rum buckets o'clock
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
