Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm just crazy horny about you
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
