Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
