youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
