thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
