This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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