wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
