i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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