I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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