Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Too much gin, very little bucket
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
