Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
it was like eating out sand paper
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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