Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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