This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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