brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize