If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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