I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
