i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
