I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We left the knife in your bed.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
