thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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