went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
