She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
did i just pee glitter
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
