i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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