A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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