i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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