My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
